MusicPlaylist
MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

181109
its amazing that i am awake now

i rarely wake up before 10am on my own
i think my subconscious is telling me to wake up and start mugging
roomie's still sound asleep
and i am tempted to head back to the bed..

i realized how alluring the morning sun is
like shining new rays of hope and energy into my room
signifying a new day and a new start.

i think human brain works in a really funny way
sometimes, you think you know someone well
but the next moment, they shock you with certain words/actions
which makes you reevaluate on how much you really know the person actually.

and when you thought you've finally established some form of communication climate
certains words can immediately destroy the painstakingly established climate
or even just mere silence can kill.

then they say the pen is mightier than the sword
words don't just convey meaning, they convey personality
and in some case, you think you know someone well just by their writings
be it blogs, facebook status, msn convo and all.
but then you think about it and realize
you forgot how intonnations could make a difference
and that's when you realize you don't know the person as much as you think you do.

haha. funny how morning makes me see things in a different light

had a mildly interesting talk with nicol last night
he reminded me of some of the rarely interesting days i had in nj
haha.

all good things
come to an end

151109
new playlist

yeaps because i got bored of the previous songs
so here i am! new songs :D
ok, not all the songs are entirely new.

songlist:
《讨厌》芮恩
《分生》张惠妹
《黑吃黑》张惠妹
《看见什么吃什么》林宥嘉
《说谎》林宥嘉
《出口》徐佳莹
《WOW》萧亚轩，罗志祥
《相爱后动物感伤》张惠妹
《Bad Romance》Lady GaGa
《It's not over》Chris Daughtry
《Heartless》Kris Allen
《No Boundaries》Adam Lambert
《Boom Boom Pow》Black Eye Peas

enjoy (:

all good things
come to an end

141109
i know i am blogging excessively

this is what happens when you are at home the whole day
and got too bored of studying
albeit i ain't as productive as i hoped to be
RAHHHHHH

but anyway i was watching xingguang4 finals
and was really inspired by fang you xin's winning speech
“我不是一个很会唱歌的人，可是也只有一直告诉自己
要做了，才知道自己能不能
谢谢星光大道改变我这个自卑，没有信心的女生
让我找回自信，找回当初爱唱歌的我”

something like that la.
i guess, that's the beauty of such competitions
it constantly reminds you of what you are doing
albeit it is inspires you, to find your true self
but at the same time, it makes you jaded

having done the project "i wanna be an idol too" and heard what the contestants say about their dreams
i am inspired, really.
a lot of times we hold ourselves back
because we convince ourselves that
"nah you are not good enough"
"nah you are not pretty enough"
this and that
but actually, if you don't go ahead and try
you won't know how far you can go

although i have to agree that sometimes
a huge part that holds us back would be our surrounding
you need people to confirm that you are good before you dare to give it a try
it is only today that i realize that
i have always been living in a "disconfirming" environment
which is probably what stemmed how and what i am now.
actually deep down, i am completely opposite of what i am outside.



all good things
come to an end

141109
突然想起这首歌《What if 》Ashley Tisdale

there are too many what if's in life
what if i had done this
what if i hadn't said this
what if he said no
what if she doesn't think that way
what if we can't make it.

sometimes, we just need to learn how to materialize all these what ifs
and don't bother to guess what things would turn out to be
because then, we will just retreat back into our own shell.

what if-ashley tisdale.

Don't speak
I can't believe, this is here happening
Our situation isn't right
Get real, who you playing with
I never thought you'd be like this
You were supposed to be there by my side

When you say that you want me
I just don't believe it
You're always ready to give up and never turn around

But what if I need you baby
Would you even try to save me
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
What if I said I loved you
Would you be the one to run to
Or would you watch me walk away without a fight

I'm so sick of worrying that you're gonna quit over anything
I can trip and you let go like that
And everything that we ever were
It seems to fade, but not the hurt
'Cause you don't know the good things from the bad

When I say that I want you
You know that I mean it
And in my hour of weakness
There's still time to try

But what if I need you baby
Would you even try to save me
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
What if I said I loved you
Would you be the one to run to
Or would you watch me walk away without a fight

Everytime I speak you try and stop me
'Cause every little thing I say is wrong
You say you're noticing, but you'll never see
This is who I really am but you can't relate
Makes me wanna know right now if it's me you'll live with out
Or would you change your mind?

What if I need you

But what if I need you baby
Would you even try to save me
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
What if I said I loved you
Would you be the one to run to
Or would you watch me walk away without a...

Oh baby what if I need you

Yeah, yeah

What if I need...
What if I need you

Oh what if I need you

If I need you, you youDon't speak
I can't believe, this is here happening
Our situation isn't right
Get real, who you playing with
I never thought you'd be like this
You were supposed to be there by my side

When you say that you want me
I just don't believe it
You're always ready to give up and never turn around

But what if I need you baby
Would you even try to save me
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
What if I said I loved you
Would you be the one to run to
Or would you watch me walk away without a fight

I'm so sick of worrying that you're gonna quit over anything
I can trip and you let go like that
And everything that we ever were
It seems to fade, but not the hurt
'Cause you don't know the good things from the bad

When I say that I want you
You know that I mean it
And in my hour of weakness
There's still time to try

But what if I need you baby
Would you even try to save me
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
What if I said I loved you
Would you be the one to run to
Or would you watch me walk away without a fight

Everytime I speak you try and stop me
'Cause every little thing I say is wrong
You say you're noticing, but you'll never see
This is who I really am but you can't relate
Makes me wanna know right now if it's me you'll live with out
Or would you change your mind?

What if I need you

But what if I need you baby
Would you even try to save me
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
What if I said I loved you
Would you be the one to run to
Or would you watch me walk away without a...

Oh baby what if I need you

Yeah, yeah

What if I need...
What if I need you

Oh what if I need you

If I need you, you you





all good things
come to an end

141109
this is crazy.

this was how my past few days/week was like
saturday noon-mathilda's interview at nlb
night-stayover at eveys
monday-9am, digitizing tape
6pm-lighting adjustments for diya's vid
tue-pon 204 lecture, interview henrietta at mediacorp
digitizing tape from 6pm onwards
11pm, officially stepped into editing suite
mad rush for framework, downloading videos, transcription, fitting quotes
wed-8am, panic. haven't even started actual editing
11am, panic even more. editing just started
1.30pm, gave up. no way we could finish editing, went to see daniel to inform him
2pm, left for wenhuachuan rece
thur-10am, stepped into editing suite again
fri-3pm, panic. because we couldn't transfer to file to harddisk, couldn't burn into dvd
4.15pm, panic even more. sc went to see daniel, joanne tried to re-export at editing suite, i went to mml to re-digitize
4.35pm, daniel said "it looks like you should submit this to someone else! its excellent. you guys are really talented, you needn't get so stressed up, its only at 3 units non-core module."
6pm, left the suite after 31 hours.

but i was really proud of the final product
even though i haven't helped much in the editing process
but i think all of us each played a crucial role
it was because we complemented each other that we managed to pull this off.
a 25 mins video in 3.5 days
joanne is the talented one.
really. if it wasn't for her, we wouldn't be able to pull it off.
my first battle with avid. lots of problem in between
had to trouble the IT people so much that i think they know us damn well already

but nevertheless, i enjoyed the whole process
i can foresee myself going this way in the future
but i like it. the whole "seeing your product materialize and getting praised"
it feels good
but its sad to know that even though the product is good
we will never be able to get an A for it
just because we submitted it late.

but still, i love our project.
ask me who won american idol for all 8 seasons
i know it all.

and a real huge thank you to diya, mathilda, henrietta, samuel, prof liew, prof lau and yuneng for helping us. sorry to yuneng for not using your clips in the end!
but your info did help us a lot (:


all good things
come to an end

081109
why do i need a boyfriend.

i think i understand how the 21 year old and above feels
when relatives/people keep asking you
"hey when are you getting a boy/girlfriend"
"hey when are you brining your boy/girlfriend back"
"hey when are you getting married"

you know seriously, i am only 19
no wait, i am not even 19
is it even important to have one now?
but people just keep going
"eh 19 alr leh. people at your age alr had like 6-7 boy/girlfriends"
and im like "so? that's them. i don't need to be like them what"
occasionally when people do it, its fine
but somehow, i keep getting the same thing from everyone around me
(the good thing is, my parents ain't one of them)

and despite the N number of talks with TDG
i am still not convinced
and even at FS chalet, people had to remind me of it.
i don't know. this whole thing is new to me
its just weird, to hear people being concerned about this aspect of your life more than you do.
or perhaps, im just not part of this game

all good things
come to an end

071109
突然想起这首歌: 《逆时针忘记》何维健

玉能的freshmusic网站上有这么一个单元叫《突然想起那首歌》
觉得很有意思。所以就开始同样的单元。不过当然不会比玉能的好。想要读好的乐评，就去freshmusic吧！

我喜欢一些小品歌曲，一些常被市场埋没的好歌。
就好像这首何维健的《逆时针忘记》

只有一把吉他当配乐，还有何维健温柔歌声
前段轻声怠慢的演唱，后段拿出张力，很容易将人的情绪带入他的歌声。
前段被他的歌声勾起回忆后，在间奏推倒一个breaking point。
伤心时听的时候，到了那个breaking point应该真的就会breakdown了。

歌词很有意境
斑驳的屋顶/天空的冷清/悲伤早已经过境
泛黄的书信/手写的爱情/躲在抽屉里安静
广场/时钟/把眼泪敲醒
你的/背影/一直那么近
以为时间可以/冲淡那些美丽/心痛怎么越来越清晰
以为过去可以/逆时针的忘记/思念却一直若无其事/顺时针前行

完全可以想象自己在那种场景
自己一个人在旷阔的广场，不时响起钟声，提醒自己时间在前行。
而自己却只想坐在最角落的一旁，沉浸在回忆里。

很喜欢这首歌，更是喜欢derrick的诠释
好像都把寂寞、悲伤、回忆通通勾出来
尤其在间奏
一个人其实不孤寂/想一个人才最孤寂/原来呼吸是为了提醒一直在的伤心
每次唱到这里，都会hit到一个breaking point。

真的很好听，大家好好欣赏吧!





all good things
come to an end

071109
hang out and have fun.

its been fun, even though these few days had been REAL busy
because of our gung ho-ness, we've been thrown into this surreal of work.
my life these few days had been about begging people for interview
begging for help from the IT guy
finding equipments, digitizing tapes, filming, coming up with interview questions
but its fun, i love it.

i guess this is why i like journalism
when you interview, you find out about new things from people
sometimes, the most shocking answers come from the most random questions
and i like to discover new things
it inspires me
just like how diya and mathilda inspired me

even though its completely lack of sleep
but i still love it. and you realize how nice the world can be
as long as you speak to them nicely.
and as long as you are a girl and a student

i guess, the world isn't as bad as i thought.
------
friday was crazy
woke up early in te morning to get to MML to digitize video
set off for filming, came back and continued the same thing
then 5pm was GV11's proj meeting
till about 7 plus, headed back to hall, showered and left for FS chalet
yes, boon lay to pasir ris is FRICKIN FAR
by the time i got there,it was about 11
people were leaving alr.
didn't do much actually
we drank a little, played some games then everyone left
only me edwin kumar az and pris stayed back
and we got konked out at like 2 plus

but i like how we reminisced about the filming times
how tony would go "KANASAI!"
how i would be sleeping in the office at 5am in the morning and az would be shocked to discover me there
how we used to do all those stupid things on set
even though we were tired and all.
and my last day at work..
they didn't let me forget it even though its been over for so long

didn't get to speak to glenn or the rest much
but talked quite a fair bit with kumar to find out some stuffs
sheesh brother! im with you on this! you can do it :D

left at around 8 plus in the morning
head back to hall, another long journey ):
showered, and rushed out for filming
lots of problem met. NLB security guards kept trying to chase us away
me and sc literally had to beg them to let us use the place
but mathilda was nice! (:
she helped us with framing, solved our mic prob and stuff
and she wasn't angry despite the constant interruptions from the guards.

then headed to casual poet to meet diya
hahah she still remembers me from qiangmai
when she saw me she was like "ehh aren't you the...host?"
then i was like "im cecilia!"
then she's like "OH! so its you! aye should have just told me earlier then no need to explain so much!"

hahah nice. interview was short and sweet, she spoke quite a fair bit of things that we needed for the video (:
stayed there to chill for a while with joanne before heading over to evey's

popiah partyyy! (:
lots of crap. photos and videos and all
too bad only me and sixian could stayover ):
didn't do much actually.
we watched garfield
mans i love that cat!

but we didn't get to do the balcony talk talk thing
mans evey we have to do it someday! (:

so now, back to hall
attempting to mug. 2 more weeks to exams
done nothing yet
DANG.


all good things
come to an end

041109
i tell you what is scary

i was at sianchoo's room doing media in america just now
been there since 10.30pm.
before i left, i hibernated my laptop because i thought i should let it rest

so i packed my stuff and headed over.
started doing proj and all. till at 3.03am
i was using joanne's laptop to prepare some questions
AND THEN I SAW SOMETHING POP OUT ON HER SCREEN
"CECILIA(: WARTIME" HAS JUST SIGNED IN

i was SOO FREAKED OUT
1) i wasn't in room, laptop was on hibernation
2) i signed out of my msn long ago at sc's com
3) joanne's com is signed on to her own msn
4) my family's all asleep, so no other com should store my account details
5) roomie's not around

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!!

and when i came back
i saw that my laptop was on
as though it was just booted up

O-M-G

i am freaked out.
really am.

all good things
come to an end

031109
you know life's a bitch

when you wake up every morning
feeling sick of the routine
and reminding yourself of the amount of work that you have

i know that exams are around the corner
but guess what's the thing that i really am more concerned about?

the dec holidays

how it is going to be so packed
how wenhuachuan is going to turn out
how camp is going to turn out
how uoc is going to turn out
blablabla.

this sucks, i really need to concentrate on the exams
i mean, the daily assignments are already warning me
my gpa is so going to suffer
especially with bala failing me here and there

this is bitch.
totally bitched out.

all good things
come to an end

311009
just one of those night walks and the thoughts

i like night walks
it sets the mood right for me to think
especially deep into the night say at 2am
alone walking on the street
listening to some music and think about stuff.
no sun, only cool night breeze hitting against your cheeks
no city buzz, only occasional traffic to remind you that life moves on
no one around, as though you are the only one who's enjoying the night
no noise, only music permeating through your mind.
and your own thoughts that's seemingly uncovering itself

its not emo-ing. its just random thoughts that flashed past my mind

was at macs studying after getting back from sph.
i looked around and saw lots of people like me, preparing for exams
the only difference is, they are all in groups
and i was alone
nah, i have no qualms with studying alone, seriously
its just, it reminded me of something

a year ago, i was doing the same thing.
sitting down at macs, studying through the night
except then, i wasn't alone

studying used to be 10 times more fun
even if it was preparing for the torturous A's

its amazing, how one year can change so many things
from best friends to almost strangers now
how things that we used to do together all the time
needs to be done alone now.
how even just the mention of your name makes me feel so..
awkward

a name that i used to call all the time
now felt so weird just to even think about it
during zhongyang just now when i mentioned your name
i felt so oddly unfamiliar
as though this name has never appeared in my life before

funny thing is,
even though i do miss the times we had
i've never regretted the decision i made
because those words still hurt till now, unfortunately.

zhenxiong once said that he could feel the air of mystery in me
i've had it all along, its just after this, i made it even stronger
especially around you.
i couldn't be bothered to remove it
because i think its safer for me this way

10 months already
it still felt like yesterday
i could never believe how a friendship could be blown away
just because of one small thing.

i think the phrase best friend has too much weight to it
im just
not strong enough to hold it up

and then
i've forgotten how to be a friend after this.


all good things
come to an end

301009
why expect?

seriously why did you even bother to expect?
i've long told you their standards
there was no room for expectations

and then you expect me to be there all the time?
seriously, if others can do it, doesn't mean that i can.
you do realize that those who signed up are those who do not have extra responsibility like us.
we have a lot of things on our hand and you expect us to go for such a thing when we don't even have an incentive?
and if we are not interested, leave the spots for those who are interested. wouldn't it be better?
why is it that just because we are in the exco we have to be there for everything
its not even our thing.

i mean, i have life, if you realize
i have given you quite a fair bit of my life
you had to take our exam prep time away with that stupid event of yours
and now you are saying we 没有心.

thanks mans.
so much for the 5 years.



all good things
come to an end

301009
find me a dream interpreter.

these few days i've been having weird dreams
and these dreams kind of bothered me when i woke up

its either about my family breaking up
or about some people getting together.
or about some revelations about who liking who

just nothing really good

i've been wanting to be alone these few days
i guess there are just days when you feel like you want to retreat from everything
and do things just for yourself
forget those homework
forget those projects
forget those trainings

there are just days when you want to sit on your bed
be in front of your laptop
have a cup of coffee
watch dramas, writing blogs, read inspirational stuff, listen to music
and make yourself feel like a better person

like i've said
i am anti-social, how come no one believes me

i've been increasingly wanting to do this
just get in touch with yourself and no one else
but somehow, you know that you can't.
because this is the world
and also because, i inherently am afraid of loneliness

i can't stand the fact that my friends are all moving on
but i don't really know what am i doing
and that everyone knows what everyone is doing
but i don't know what everyone else is doing

and when you try to catch up
you find it all too tiring
to want to do something for people
but it seems all too unnecessary

sometimes, the human brain works in a weird way
and in my case
i think its dysfunctional


all good things
come to an end

261009
this post was done under the influence of alcohol

but still i have been thinking about this since the weekend.
i should learn to love
love my family, love my friends and love myself.

i think i should reevaluate myself of the roles i play
as a sister, as a daughter, as a student and as a friend
honestly, i am sorry to all my friends and family and teachers/coursemates
i think i make a lousy sister, friend, student and daughter

having watched shows like 家好月圆 and My sister's keeper
i think i had been a really selfish member of the family
albeit the fact that i kept saying
yes i love this family and i secretly am doing things for the family
actually no, i haven't
my parents had been right
i had been a selfish member

and it is when i am out at hall that i realize the difference
when i am always around them
i take all their niceness and actions for granted
and take it that it should be that way
but when i am back from hall
you really feel the love from them
and feel as though they really miss you and want you there.

when i get home from hall
everything that i ask for gets granted
"help me throw rubbish"
"help me get food"
"i don't want this"
"i am going XX, can you send me there"

all these never used to be given
and i blamed my family for not doing it for me
but it is when i get back from hall that i realized
this is how much they love me.
and i never appreciated it

watching tv shows just made me realize how bad a daughter i had been
i should have loved them more
but as days goes by
i realize i didn't relish their existence at all.
to the extent of a 5 months cold war
that must have hurt so much

and as for my sister
i never realized how much influence i had on her
i used to think that i only have to account for my actions to myself
and that whatever i do doesn't affect the family at all
until i see my sister taking up all my vices
talking back to parents, wanting to spend money, being obnoxious at times, being lazy and all
the ultimate came when she said
'你也是这样吗"

that's when it all hits me
she's taking after me.
and i hate how she's turning out to be

then i realize i am the to blame
because she really is taking me as a role model
and i never knew
until she said that

it hit me straight to my heart
i am sorry my family
sorry for being such a lousy daughter
causing so much disturbance and unhappiness
sorry for being such a lousy sister
who hasn't learnt to love at all.

but from now on
i will learn to love
i promise

all good things
come to an end

211009
the life i was used to

yeah i remember how i used to be rushing here and there for meetings
3 meetings in a day
10am, 2pm, 5pm
every sat, without fail
this was how it used to be

its back now
except now its on weekdays instead
hall dance
ihg softball netball basketball
dnd
uoc
foc
txy
yes. txy
i am still there.
still in office
undertaking this major event in dec
1 month
10 comm members
200 campers
crazy.

i can't wait for exams to be over
cus then will be the ultimate time balance.
i would like to see how i am going to do it.
--------
im sorry. this post is of no depth at all
maybe cus that's how my life's been
zero depth.

i need to find some blogs which can inspire me
some like rebecca lim's
i love her latest post

otherwise, life's of no depth.


all good things
come to an end

181009
the appraisal

c'mon appraise me and let me see myself using reflected appraisal
and as you do, label me, so that i can make use of self-fulfilling prophecy

so if we see ourselves through the perspectives of others
does that mean that you are defined by what others think you are?

in that case,
why are we always talking about "i want to myself,no one can affect me"
what is "myself"?
"myself" is who you are after you see yourself in the eyes of others

in that case,
we are all lost selves.

all good things
come to an end

171009
the lies that brought me through

gah who am i trying to kid
i can't live with that
deception, always the best way to avoid.

all good things
come to an end

161009
tie a knot on the stalk of a cherry

naw i can't do that
but they say those that can are very good in la ji-ing
we have to ask willie about that

and we finally convened, the drinking gang
although it ain't a full gang (yes sdj! we are waiting for you to come back :D)
but it always is good being with them
its as though i can be my real self when i am with them
like i can be cor lor as i want
as crazy as i want
as mean as i can
as straightforward as i am
and they know that's just me
and we accept each other for that

that's all tdg is about isn't it
even though eventually i+junzhan lost the bet
是的!我不争气！8个月了最后还是输了！
sorry la! 我很笨！哈哈哈
oh well now we look forward to 1230
and we see whether things will have any changes or not

so we met up at holland v
settled at this german bar opp wala-wala and started drinking
tried out new drinks
loved jarganbomb! :D

scenarios game.
crazy stuff came out of everyone's mouths
but i guess its a much better gathering than always talking about
finding girlfriends/boyfriends

mahjong at selui's.
supposed to head back hall but dajun left hall suddenly
so in the end we had to impose on selui
and i lost moneh! ):

had a long talk with xianhui before meeting up with the guys
i really like how i can relate everything to her
and her straightforwardness always points out things that i may have neglected
and when i get muddled by certain things
she will always be able to lead me through

mans. i love such quality talks.
it makes me feel like a better person
and ascertain that i am not part of this game.

all good things
come to an end

151009
but then is that the way?

i think at one point of time
we all get frustrated with our lives
is it the way its turning out, or is it the people around you, or how you are dealing with everything
then we all look for the fastest and least obligatory way to settle it
to quit and isolate

yeah sure, we can all go
FINE, I GIVE UP, I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE. I AM SICK OF THIS. I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN NEVER GET IT RIGHT. I AM JUST NOT CUT OUT FOR THIS. MAYBE I WOULD DO BETTER IN OTHER THINGS
yeah blablablabla

but why can't we ever think of other possibilities that would make things better?
everyone has their own troubles
its how you choose to settle it
to talk to others and find for solution; to isolate yourself and reflect; to be oblivious to it and live life the way its supposed to be etc etc
im sure each of us has our own unique way of solving problems
but i never felt that quitting was the solution

because when you quit
there are just too much to be given up
i don't know, that's what i think
and just as a disclaimer
i am not criticizing anyone or reprimanding anyone
its just a sudden random thought that flashed past my mind

or i guess sometimes, i just act strong

all good things
come to an end