100210

this notion of alone.

sometimes, we don't want to do things alone

so we force ourselves into a certain company

hoping that you wouldn't look so sad

because you have people with you

but i think, this makes you even more alone.

i think people needs to have a new definition of sad/pathetic.

has it ever happened to you that you said "oh, i am going somewhere later"

and your friend would go "who are you going with?

"huh, go alone la, what's wrong"

"huh, so sad ah."

i don't think doing things alone is sad.

like shopping, eating and what not.

its some people who thinks that they are very popular

and that they'd perpetually be surrounded by people

that perpetuates this kind of thinking and so everyone thinks this way

get a life

even when you are in huge group

it doesn't mean that you are not alone

sometimes, it feels even emptier.

and you would wish that you can alone then

save the awkwardness.

so yes, we should redefine the notion of alone

and the definition of pathetic.

all good things
come to an end

090210

我突然想起

距离卸任日期，只有1个多月。

然后，突然心里有一种莫名的感伤。

这样的感伤，应该叫“舍不得”。

舍不得我曾经每个星期六所在的周报室

舍不得我曾经如此为这个组织废寝忘食

舍不得我曾经在小小的通讯员室里所有的欢笑、发狂的时刻、大家一起工作的时刻、一起下版的痛苦。

舍不得我曾经在这里认识的每一个朋友

舍不得我曾经一起在这里打拼的伙伴

舍不得你们的三八、你们无聊的玩闹、你们认真地打拼

想一想，5年就这样过去了。

当初对这个地方充满了憧憬。

曾经想过，如果我当上主席，我要。。。。。

结果，什么都没做到。

我，应该是历届以来最烂的主席吧。

最近一直在想，在任的期间，我做的好与坏。

我想不到任何的“好”

却想到很多我没有做好的地方。

即使有再多的舍不得，也是我自己单方面的想念

因为，他们不会记得我的存在。

我骂对（错）了很多人

我怪对（错）了很多人

我赞对（错）了很多人

我希望下一个主席会做得比我好

希望你能够恢复当日我们加入时通讯员的那种风光。

因为，我已经没有力气再跑下去了。

all good things
come to an end

090210

my first contact with contacts.

i own. i used to shudder at the thought of wearing contacts

simply because having seen how my neighbour was tortured by it

i remember how i met him at the optical shop

and he was desperately trying to put on the contacts for like an hour

even the optician was exasperated.

but today, i tried.

it wasn't as hard as i thought.

i managed it on my 2nd try. (:

i think people need to work on impulse

it was an impulse that i had to make contacts and here goes.

but the trade off is, yet another family battle over money.

i'd probably have to face world war 3 when i get back.

im sorry i didn't notify you before deciding to make it, then going back to you for money

i would have paid for it myself if i could

but im sorry, i am so broke that i don't even have sufficient lunch money

thank you very much.

so what happens when

you are a student with low income

insufficient lunch money

no savings

you cancel your social life

stay at home

and be nice to your sister.

i tried to talk to you

and i am sick of trying.

for what, i ask. you shun me off within 3 mins

and complain that i don't bother to communicate.

then try to impose some big theories that you've heard over the radio on me

thanks, please take communication studies and learn to communicate

before you talk about theories to me.

all good things
come to an end

090210

就是林宥嘉

i was doing work and listening to yoga's album at the same time

i've never listened to him album closely so yes, this is my first time

and i was amazed.

some songs cannot be appreciated immediately

just like some of his songs.

and here are 2 songs im deeply awed by other than the 2 highly-publicised 《看见什么吃什么》and《说谎》

sorry, no MVs today cus youtube is down ):

《耳朵》

当爱情只剩嘴巴，少了耳朵

就变得你只相信你猜测的

当感应你我之间不再流动

该怎么说不死不代表活着

awesome lyrics. and i think this context doesn't just apply to love

in any single relationship, be it friendship, family ties, boy-girl relationship

people need to learn to hear each other out

why bother to talk, when you don't listen.

i think there is too much noise in the world.

how about let's all shut up and listen to what others are trying to tell us

《心酸》

听了之后，真的很心酸。

i don't know why, i just felt a sudden pang of sadness in me as the song went on

i could feel tears welling up already.

haven't gotten a chance to read the lyrics yet

but somehow, yoga's rendition of the song makes it easy to visualize what the song is trying to say

轻声细语，我听到了宥嘉想表达的心酸

而我，突然间也感到心酸。

go listen to these 2 songs. i promise its much better than normal k-songs like 《说谎》

all good things
come to an end

050210

food for thought 2

woke up at like 8 plus for track training

timing is super cui.

then had lunch with candice kumboon and fawn

we talked about something interesting.

" what would you do if you get pregnant now"

yeah this topic came up because we saw this young lady, who's possibly only in her early 20's with a baby.

so fawn asked the question and i thought it was a pretty good food for thought

not like its going to be applied to me anytime soon

but i thought it was quite a good topic for discussion

so girls out there,

what would you do if you get pregnant now?

all good things
come to an end

040210

i have been dancing and i hate com202

i rarely blog in lectures, cus i usually fall asleep

but i am in com202 lecture now, and i've already woken up from the sleep

someone needs to review on this module.

it doesn't serve any purpose at all.

or maybe its the lecturer.

these few days' been a real surreal

i've been dancing, and i love it.

even though im not a good dancer

i think after HOCC's over, im going to miss dancing with them.

ARGHSFDGHT! people needs to learn not to SHAKE THEIR LEGS IN THE LT

cus the whole row will be affected

i think i know why mildred was so !@@#($*#$ in the past when people shake their legs in the LT

i feel like going down to the podium, get the mic from her and say "STOP SHAKING"

im sorry, posts haven't been of much depth.

but i hope it did entertain you (:

all good things
come to an end

020210

SETTLED.

it was actually settled last week (hence the stop of emo posts)

but i only managed to find time to write about it now

yes, i guess delaying = getting more time to settle things

and finding evidences to support your claim

thank you SAO

thank you arthur, prof foo and prof nie

and thank you to my awesome roomie

whom without, i might feel so suffocated by this case

and honestly, i owe huan a huge sorry

i realize i was the one who offered him to stay

just so that the 4 of us can go out together that day

my bad, and i was so insistent on inflicting the blame on you.

sorry!

on a lighter note,

i enjoyed HOOC.

even though we didn't win, but i thought that the effort was to be applauded for.

now im motivated to do well for hall dance

simply because we've trained hard

and we shouldn't let ourselves down.

we perform for us, the dancelves (:

cheng told me some stuff which i felt quite disappointed with.

its probably the same reason why ks didn't want to be here next year anymore.

a pity.

and this fact that cheng told me, i've seen it during HOOC.

aye. i find it a waste.

all good things
come to an end

020210

Change-carrie underwood.

i started ranting non-stop to xianhui that day over msn

i think it was just yet another sudden outburst of my anger

why was i angry anyway, since i've decided not to care anymore

i guess it was because

i still believed that i could change things within this one month

as carrie underwood so aptly puts it.

"or do you tell yourself, you're just a fool just a fool to believe you can change the world. the worlds so big, it can break your heart. and you just want to help but not sure where to start"

i must have been stupid to believe that

i have the ability to change things.

Change by Carrie Underwood.

What'cha gonna do with the 36 cents
Stick you with cork on your floorboard
When a woman on the street is huddle in the cold
On a sidewalk vent trying to keep warm
Do you call her over hand her the change
Ask her a story ask her her name
Or do you tell yourself
You're just a fool Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
You're just a fool Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
What'cha gonna do when you're watching t.v.
And an ad comes on
Yeah you know the kind Flashin' up pictures of a child in need
For a dime a day you can save a life
Do you call the number reach out a hand
Or do you change the channel call it a scam
Or do you tell yourself
You're just a fool Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
Don't listen to them when they say
You're just a fool Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
Oh the smallest thing can make all the difference
Love is alive
Don't listen to them when they say
You're just a fool Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
The worlds so big it could break your heart
And you just wanna help
But not sure where to start so you close your eyes
Send up a prayer into the dark

all good things
come to an end

290110

i have a lot to say, so i shall split post.

this post is dedicated to the awesomest people on EARTH

THE DRINKING GANG aka TDG (:

i think i may have underestimated the power of TDG's friendship

i used to believe that once people are in a relationship, they would put it over friendship

and im guilty of believing that members of tdg would do that too, i admit

simply because i have seen too much of it and i dare not hold any hope

but tdg proved me wrong.

yes, friendship and relationship can survive together.

i saw how liew and huan rushed down from other places just to be with us

how liew, despite breaking his 12 hours of meeting time, still came back after he went to NUS to meet shirley

how huan, despite his girlfriend being right at wcp with us, came back to us and even brought her along

it was a plain day.

couldn't been more plain that day.

just mahjong, dinner, and night out at wcp

but its the company that matters

and the things we talk about

i think i learnt a valuable lesson that night

and exactly why i love wcp outings with them.

even though its only the 2nd one, but it was as good as the previous one

of course, finally this time, the topic does not revolve around ME finding a boyfriend

its on the newly attached 2.

which well.......brought me to see another side of human....

a side which...honestly i'd prefer not to see.

but yes,

it has ascertained me that this TDG friendship will last

i can feel how much we trust each other

and how much we are willing to open up to each other.

a pity selui will be away for half a year..

SELUI I AM GONNA MISS YOUUUUUUU :DD

all good things
come to an end

220110

we should not have any emotional attachment.

because it tears you apart when you lose something so endearing to you

i guess that's why i am not as committed to things now

somehow i don't dare to have that kind of emotional attachment i had for txy

for anything else now.

i feel so....

aloof.

the documents is my last chance.

i hope it works.

all good things
come to an end

200110

delay.

but that's just prolonging the pain isn't it?

like i have to live in tenterhooks for another week

and not being able to confirm so many things.

it sucks, when your fate is left to others

i wish i had the power to settle everything myself.

so its either goodbye, or hello again.

-----------------

i guess there are just some questions we always delay answering

im sorry to you for not answering some of your questions

the whole "whoa, so fierce" was merely a decoy.

-----------------

delays prolong pain

and pain aggravates heartaches

then heartaches brings about reminiscence

but reminiscence sparks off tears

and the cycle repeats itself.

so lastly, we decide to act like we forgot all about it

if only in life, we can just eat drink sleep and solve all the problems.

what a lazy way out.

all good things
come to an end

170110

i've got a feeling.

i have a stinging feeling that

things might not turn out to be as bad as i thought it would be

but then again, i don't feel very positive about.

5, or rather, 4 more days.

i hope things gets settled by then.

because, i don't think i will have to courage to face it.

what if it really happens.

every moment, just sitting down here makes me feel so unsettled.

as though i might not be here any moment from now.

and the worse part is,

parents condemn me for it.

as usual huh, no sign of support from parents.

why am i not surprised at all.

i guess that's why i grow up like that.

my parents should take comms lessons.

then they will know how to communicate

and stop telling me "i don't know how to communicate with you"

my mom told me today

" don't believe in friendship, they never last"

my dad said

"humans are all practical creatures. one moment they can be friends with you, another moment they can just turn their backs on you"

i guess that's why i am like that today.

sometimes i wish that they would learn to be more supportive.

all good things
come to an end

171009

i hope you are reading this.

i am not angry with you.

i never was. when i said i would be angry, it wasn't at you.

and its not that im not picking up your calls deliberately

i just happened to miss it like i always do.

instead of angry, it was more of overwhelming fear

fear that something which is so important to me will be gone soon

fear of breaking the news to them

fear of losing what i had been looking forward to

fear of breaking up all the bonds formed.

its fear that is too overwhelming, not anger that is prevailing.

everything is still unsettled now,

including my mind.

all good things
come to an end

140110

hall life should be like that

hall's been pretty happening these days.

hall 12 day on tuesday

played random pasar malam games

i suck at twister! LOL.

jamband performed! (: nice.

htht with zhiying and mingxuan in room.

random people streaming into room after that.

mahjong with ngehwee becky and keane at keane's room till 5am

won 11 bucks (:

celebrated liqiao's birthday on wednesday.

went to her room and gave her a surprise.

had random talks in her room before plankton came over and sang her birthday song again

after that had talks with ks liwen stan and alex in stan's room

shenglong and youjun joined after their cheerleading

bitched, talked about random things

walked back to room, caught andy in ros's room LOL.

andy was being comical as usual. and deanna walked past

woosh, it was like drama, watching andy pleading deanna to forgive him LOL.

today, had farewell for regina

just nice FOC'10 com had bbq

60 benches was amazingly crowded and noisy, unlike the usual hall 12 LOL

went out to get stuff with manfred, xp, ros, candy, liwen and regi

it really felt like manfred and xp were our papa and mama, then the rest of us are like their kids.

did the irritating kids "PAAAA and MAAAAA" which liwen and candy sounded like crows LOL.

steamboat + bbq was fun

food was good (: people were high

there was the usual guailan stuff that we did, usual andy and deanna's love story LOL.

did stupid things, took random photos, made card for regi.

it reminded me why i liked softball so much

the bonds formed between the girls. reminded me of hurricanes.

i lost that kind of feeling 2 years back in nj. im glad to have found it in hall 12

im starting to enjoy hall life much more.

i guess IH served its purpose.

this first week of sem2 is awesome.

i hope there would be more to come!

and i hope this wouldn't be my last week in hall ):

all good things
come to an end

140110

new playlist

amidst the foul mood, i've decided to update my playlist

here are some new songs here, enjoy! (:

you belong with me- taylor swift

heartless-kris allen

its not over-chris daughtry

somebody to love-leighton meester

good girls go bad-cobra starship ft leighton meester

wow- 萧亚轩，罗志祥

telephone- lady gaga ft beyonce

bad romance- lady gaga

雨爱-杨丞琳

青春斗-杨丞琳

折叠式爱情-杨丞琳

玩具枪与玫瑰-小鬼

相爱后动物感伤-阿妹

说谎-林宥嘉

看见什么吃什么-林宥嘉

all good things
come to an end

140110

food for thought.

just a random question

would you rather be a big fish in a small pond

or a small fish in a big pond?

all good things
come to an end

120110

if i have to be brutally honest

i am disappointed

in that a friendship this long couldn't withstand a small timelag.

i deliberately waited till now before reading your blog

just so to see if i will still get affected by it

yes i am.

i guess that's life huh

people change, you can't expect them to be the way they used to be

some things, you used to do it others and expect others to understand

they did.

but now when it bounced back to you,

you couldn't take it

and threw a huge tantrum

on a day so special to some people

or maybe as we grow older, our tolerance level grows smaller

or i guess,

the world has taught us, to put ourselves above others

so everything its me, me, me

there are no more "we" in our lives anymore aren't there.

what a waste. complete waste.

the notion of living in "we" world is so alluring

as though all the fun peace and laughter could be shared with so many people

now, there's no one to share with

i guess i have to re-know everyone of you again.

and that would take a lot of effort

im tired.

all good things
come to an end

120110

and here it goes again.

do i really have to go through this again?

i remember last sem, i struggled against the idea of having to be alone for most of the time

thinking that, "oh what should i do now

i have no lessons, and going back to hall makes me look lifeless"

here it goes again, its just the start of sem2

and i can feel it coming again

i think its just me

like it really is no big deal

perhaps i just need to get used to it all over again

or perhaps i just need to be more involved in school/hall or whatever.

aiya. think so much

for what.

if only you were by my side.

all good things
come to an end

040110-080110

holiday ends well.

i am not used to typing dates in 10 instead of 09.

another week of holidays passed with a quick swirl of events.

4thjan-6thjan

was told that match had been cancelled by SRC just when i was going to school

ended up we had training, went for vball match to support the guys and headed back for dance

i think our dance is awesome.

waited for zirui to come and we went to eytans chalet

woooshhh i love eytans! (:

had night cycling from pasir ris to changi, prata for supper then back to chalet

crazy butt ache! luckily i stretched when i got back to chalet.

showered, crapped till i fell asleep. apparently while all of us were asleep, there was the emergence of a new radio talkshow known as "morning rocket show TEWWWW" ahahah

5th was just a day of nua-ing.

slept till like 11 plus, lunch and then mahjonged.

won 7 bucks plus :DD

then nua ard with ting, bitch and zy. :D

night was BBQ which was an epic success!

few seniors turned up, lots of nice food, camwhoring, playing of animal game and drinking.

then htht session with closer few while the rest continued drinking

morning mac breakfast at 6am. all of us like some kiasu aunties and uncles.

once the shutter for mac opens, we chionged in and was the first group to get our breakfast (:

knocked out till about 10 plus, chionged back to school for IH

060110-080110

you know, hall 12 surprises me.

just the night before i was panicking to deanna about how i might not have enough players

and then i was like "aiya heck IH la, go there and lose and die"

yeah we did, we lost to hall 7 but it was a dignified loss!

2-1, small mistakes on our part but generally it was quite alright

woke up at 6am on the 7th morning to catch the guys game

helped out with coaching and admin stuff, i think its quite fun to be a coach :D

even though definitely stressful!

guys won on mercy rule! they totally owned hall 8 :D GOOD JOB GUYS!

then they played second game against hall 5 and owned them again and got to quarters! (:

seriously,the guys were REAL GOOD. i like watching their game.

aggressive and attentive!

girls played hall 14 and won them (:

some drama here and there but oh well, we still won and got into quarters!

guys then played their 3rd match of the day. quarters against hall 3

it was seriously funny to watch

i think the guys were just chillax-ing and not taking it that seriously

so here comes the start of guai lan hall 12's style of self-taunting.

instead of the usual "opponents taunting each other durng batting", we started taunting ourselves and went "go go go! no swing no fun!" thanks to aloy!

had daidi competition at liwen's room

it was damn funny playing with the girls!

kumboon-the destined asshole and self proclaimed IVP DAIDEE

candy- IVP PAGAENT

ROS-the prostitute who seduces the king

liwen- the biggest drop from king to asshole

yubin- the fighter who fought her way up from asshole to king

me- the sign language silent killer!

haha and i had tong hua shun for once!

good sign for our game!

today, played quarters against hall 10.

won them by 4-1.

ithink we are damn zai! :D

played semis against hall 15 and we dio thrashed 8-0

lots of drama around as well, but i think they really deserved the win

playing with hall 15 was a real test of our abilities

and it shows that we still have lots of room for improvement

but seriously, getting to semis is already an acheivement

i didn't expect us to go that far!

i am proud of the girls (:

sorry that i may be too fierce during the game

oh well, its just me!

stayed behind to watch other games, not so exciting

but guys finals was quite exciting at certain times to watch.

and that's the end of IH

my very first IH.

i enjoyed it, i hope you guys did too!

and i hope you did too.

all good things
come to an end